Hmm…She’s Really Reserved
By The Policy Circle Team
After an encounter with a friend or co-worker, are you the one who says to yourself “Oh, I did it again, I spoke too much…” or do you say “Oh, I did it again. I did not jump in and speak my mind” ?
Quiet (Amazon)
Susan Cain, author of the best-seller “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking,” recalls that in her early days as a lawyer, she realized to her surprise that her introverted nature “had a lot of advantages: I was good at building loyal alliances, one-on-one, behind the scenes; I could close my door, concentrate, and get the work done well; and like many introverts, I tended to ask a lot of questions and listen intently to the answers, which is an invaluable tool in negotiation.”
In her book and in her TED talk, embedded at bottom of post, Cain offers insights about introverts’ extraordinary talents and why they should be celebrated and valued. As discussed in The Policy Circle’s previous post, “Are You a Good Conversationalist?” one of the recurring themes in her work is the need to recognize that not everyone is extroverted and talkative — but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have anything to say: “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”
An introvert may be more comfortable observing, but she has important, well-considered points to contribute to the conversation. So how can we be intentional about empowering introverts to join the conversation, and learn to become better listeners?
First, be mindful that introverts value quality over quantity when it comes to relationships, so splitting up into smaller discussion groups is a great way to accommodate.
Second, creating a comfortable and welcoming environment helps everyone feel more at ease. This is one of the reasons Policy Circle Leaders like taking time at the first meeting to get to know each other by sharing backgrounds and interests. One way of getting to know people in the context of a policy circle meeting is to ask everyone to share “what lenses were you wearing when reading the brief?” It is always amazing to hear the perspective that people take when reading policy; it may be professional (“I’m a doctor”), or it may be value-based (“I value fiscal responsibility,” or “efficiency”).
Third, employing a roundtable discussion format will invite full participation. The Policy Circle deliberately uses this format, rather than inviting guest speakers to lecture at gatherings, so that each member has the opportunity to express her opinion.When you feel welcomed and encouraged to participate in the conversation, you feel more comfortable expressing your opinion and truly discover your capacity for thought leadership. So be a respectful facilitator and go around the room and ask everyone to share:
- what lens they were wearing when reading the brief,
- what they learned and what would be their priority to address the issue discussed,
- what they felt was missing in the brief or what could be explored further, and
- how it affects their community.
Here’s the link to the Policy Circle conversation cards. You can even try them at your next dinner party, so everyone feels included.
Put technology aside
In the modern digital age, it’s easy to be distracted by your smartphone or i-pad. As this Entrepreneur article explains, a key part of being a good listener is to be present, directing all your attention to the other person. It notes a “powerful listener acknowledges that the person speaking will welcome the opportunity to be heard. A wise listener and leader will validate anyone who is speaking.”
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Don’t know? Try taking the Myers-Briggs Indicator Test if you’re curious!
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