I could not resist. I succumbed to the PBS Charles Murray Quiz on “Do you live in a bubble?” I found the accompanying article and study insightful about how life experiences shape our ability to understand others. According to Murray, Washington DC is a bubble — a place where people do not have everyday life experiences that allow them to connect with people outside of their socio-economic class. When you are there, you feel it in the air.
What intrigued me in the quiz were the questions: Have you ever had a job where your body hurts at the end of the day? Do you hang out with people who smoke? Have you lived in a community where more than 50 of your neighbors do not have a college education?
The quiz takes you down memory lane of all your life experiences and encounters. The questions were about real experiences that shape who you are and how you see the world. Holding a job that is physically demanding gives you a very different perspective on everything from having the energy to help your kids with homework at night or volunteer at the school bake sale, or attend town hall meetings. Being physically exhausted from your job is not the same as feeling tired after going for a 3 hour run while training for a marathon.
The article made me think of my “Big Rocks” – which is one of the three words that make up my 2017 New Year Resolution. I chose “Big Rocks” because it embodies both Habit #2 of Steven Covey’s Seven Habits, Be Proactive, and John Maxwell’s idea of Intentional Living. The Big Rocks are what matters most to you in your life and what actions you take every day to pay attention to what matters.
My big rocks are: “Hygge” and family, Community and giving a voice to those in my community who don’t have one, and my work – The Policy Circle. (Hygge [hoo-gg-a] is a Danish word to express activities and people that make you feel connected like family dinners, or movie nights.)
So how do we choose our actions and words so that these big rocks are assets that lift us instead of weights that control us? How can we stack them so that they all fit together, leading towards a purposeful life that adds value to others. My idea was to create a system that helped me intentionally select activities that were connected to these big rocks. At first I viewed this as a scheduling challenge – each week or even day of the week could have a focus: First Monday plan something with kids; Fourth Thursday focus on Community. But that was so rigid and bound to fail (yes – I’m over programmed!)
To climb and stand on your big rocks you need to choose actions that build on your strengths, push you a bit and encourage you to not be afraid of getting a few scrapes.
One of my big rocks is Community which includes friends, schools, neighborhood/city/state, and the larger community of all the people that I interact with every day. I want everyone I interact with to feel valued, not invisible. For instance, showing gratitude for the Uber Driver who is awake to drive to the airport at 4:30 am.
So rather than employing a rigid schedule, I instead ask myself the following 5 questions before choosing my activities and planning my day:
- Does this activity allow me to interact with my family in a meaningful way?
- Does it push me out of my bubble?
- Does it help elevate the conversation and generate new ideas? open community dialogue?
- Am I learning something?
- Does it bring connectedness and a smile?
I am the co-founder of The Policy Circle, but I am also a Circle Leader. Being a Policy Circle Leader hits all the marks for me. That’s why I make time for it. I get a chance to model to my family how to understand the issues that our state and nation face. Sharing The Policy Circle model gives me the opportunity to connect with people that I would not interact with in other communities such as Chicago’s South Side where they are genuinely interested in understanding policy. The Policy Circle enables a small group of us to dialogue, to build social capital, to start paying attention together to how our community is run. We participate by showing up. At our Policy Circle meetings, I am taking the time to stop and learn at a deeper level about issues. The intimacy of the meetings is energizing and empowering, building true friendships, and that’s Hygge.
What are your big rocks?